I Don’t Know What to Say: Communicating with Someone with Dementia

Watching a loved one’s cognitive decline due to dementia is difficult. Communicating with them as they decline is also a challenge. The natural response when someone gives faulty information is to offer a correct response. However, when talking with someone who has dementia, correcting them can be counterproductive. Constantly correcting someone or asking if they remember something can cause anxiety or agitation.  

Here are a few simple guidelines to follow to foster better communication with someone who has dementia: 

1. DON’T argue. Arguing with someone who has dementia makes the situation worse. Instead, work within their reality. For example, if your loved one is insisting they have an appointment to get to, do not tell them they don’t have one, simply say, “I will let you know when it is time to get ready. 

2. DON’T say “Remember?” when talking about past events. They can’t remember many things, and asking them if they do may make them feel more confused or cause anxiety. Instead, ask open-ended questions to encourage reminiscing. For example, instead of reminding them of a recent visit from a friend, ask them to tell you about a time they enjoyed the company of friends. 

3. DON’T say, “I told you...” when they can’t remember information you have already told them. Instead, repeat information when needed. 

4. DON’T command or demand that your loved one do something. Being firmly directed to do something can cause agitation. Instead, invite or role-model activities, like washing hands or eating a meal.  

5. DON’T lecture! Someone with dementia processes information more slowly and can become more confused with too much information. Instead, slow down, make eye contact, and speak in short simple sentences. 

6. DO Validate the person’s feelings that are behind what they are saying. For example, if your loved one is saying someone broke in and stole their keys, tell them that it must be scary to have that happen. Allowing them to talk about their feelings will help alleviate fear and confusion they may be experiencing. 

Learning ways to communicate and form connections with someone who has dementia is an on-going process. If you are feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or depressed due to the changes your loved one is experiencing, consider finding a support group in your area to help you cope. Connecting with others who are having similar issues can make you feel like you are not alone in your journey. 

Just my two cents, 

Penny