All of us want our elderly parents and relatives to be well cared for. Yet, despite the very best of intentions, we may be unable to do everything that is needed for our elders.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Meeting an elder\u2019s needs can be exhausting and lead to a sense of failure. One critical element of effective caregiving is to learn to set limits for yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Determine what you can and cannot do for an elderly relative. <\/strong> Doing so will help you establish and maintain a healthy relationship with your elder. The motivation for caregiving, unfortunately, too often arises from a sense of guilt or desire to repay a parent for what they\u2019ve given you. A parent\u2019s gift of life and rearing are not debts to be paid back \u2013 there is no way to do that. Caregiving can be motivated also by a desire for parental recognition, approval or closeness. Acting from a sense of guilt or need for approval may endanger your caregiving of a parent or lead to disappointment for you and your parent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n To determine what is best, begin by identifying your elder\u2019s needs:<\/strong> the physical, social and emotional caregiving that may be required. What does your elder need to remain well cared for in his or her current environment? How much is the elder capable of doing independently?<\/p>\n\n\n\n The input of a professional may help you to understand your elder\u2019s needs<\/strong> and to determine the best approach to take. Is dad\u2019s refusal to walk alone based on a bona fide physical limitation? Is it rooted in fear? Is it the result of desiring attention? You can learn how much help is needed and what private and public resources are available to assist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Once you determine the types of assistance an elder requires, decide what you are able to provide.<\/strong> Consider how your time at caregiving will affect other areas of your life, such as your relationship with a spouse or children or your career.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As you consider how to help an elder, do not underrate your own needs<\/strong>. As an airline attendant advises when starting on a journey, \u201cthe able person puts on their oxygen mask first.\u201d During a crisis, elder care concerns may lead to temporary disruption in your life. But don\u2019t allow long-term disruption. The health risks to you, the elder and to the relationship between you outweighs the benefits of putting your life \u201con hold.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Don\u2019t over promise what you will do. <\/strong> Be conservative in deciding how much assistance you can provide and how available you will be. It is better to promise less and do more, than to promise more and not fulfill your commitment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If your elder wants you to do more than you can, be firm in your resolve<\/strong>. Focus on what you are doing and don\u2019t let the focus shift to what you are not doing. Acknowledge the elder\u2019s feelings with a simple, \u201cI\u2019m sorry you feel that way,\u201d rather than giving a lengthy explanation that will merely exhaust you without satisfying the elder.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When you think about what you can and want to do for an elder relative, consider these questions:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Learning your limits and to say \u201cno\u201d are signs of strength. <\/strong> Make your caregiving a positive choice, rather than a response to guilt or a sense of duty. Doing so will give you more patience and energy for the care you do provide.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Learning your limits and to say \u201cno\u201d are signs of strength. Make your caregiving a positive choice, rather than a response to guilt or a sense of duty. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[50,23],"tags":[98,97,99,96],"class_list":{"0":"post-78","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-setting-limits","7":"category-eldercare","8":"tag-caring-for-an-elderly-parent","9":"tag-effective-caregiving","10":"tag-elder-relative","11":"tag-elderly-parents","12":"entry"},"yoast_head":"\n
Caring for an elderly parent or relative is done best when it is a positive choice \u2014 <\/strong>not when it feels like an obligation or imposition. Look at your motivation and ask yourself \u201cwhy do I want to help?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n