{"id":16,"date":"2010-04-25T03:15:36","date_gmt":"2010-04-25T03:15:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/eldercaresolutionschicago.wordpress.com\/?p=1"},"modified":"2022-04-07T14:38:35","modified_gmt":"2022-04-07T19:38:35","slug":"hello-world-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.eldercaresolutions.com\/blog\/2010\/hello-world-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Someone To Watch Over Me"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

The educator Parker Palmer, in his book, Listening to Your Life Speak<\/em>, offers a tale of his healing from depression. He relays his experience with his many friends and family and the health care providers who gave him much advice, guidance, therapy and medication. The message he received, \u201cwe care about you, now get well.\u201d One friend, however, offered nothing but his presence. He asked Parker if he could visit weekly and simply massage his feet. Their encounters were mostly silent. His friend asked nothing about his recovery \u2014 he simply offered himself. Parker Palmer went on to recover from his depression and continues to live a very full life. He counts these weekly visits as singularly meaningful in his recovery.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This story is a beautiful reminder that very often what is needed by those who are suffering is the unconditional presence of others. Often our care and concern is offered in a unspoken barter arrangement \u2014 I\u2019ll visit and help as long as you continue to follow advice, \u201cdo what you\u2019re told\u201d and get better. If the ill or infirmed don\u2019t hold up their end, we often, in our discouragement, disappointment, or anger, retreat and withdraw.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Surely there are times when we need to address, even confront, passivity on the part of others in order to aid their recovery, but the underlying message of \u201cyou alone can do it\u201d is most effective if it is accompanied by \u201cbut you won\u2019t have to do it alone.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Advocacy, caring advice and information can be helpful, even crucial, during times of illness especially in an increasingly fragmented and stingy health care system. But as important as active support is the simple and often silent message of being with<\/strong> the ill. One of the greatest hardships of illness, the one that can seem most unbearable, is the fear of being abandoned. It is a universal fear and one that we all face. Offering honest reassurance, whether spoken or not, that \u201cyou will not be abandoned\u201d helps mitigate that fear and can provide the energy and motivation that aids recovery.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are very real pressures of time and money that accompany illness. Those pressures can rush us to intervention rather than to reflection. Being aware of one\u2019s own motivation and goals doesn\u2019t have to take an enormous amount of time, but it does take thoughtful consideration. It requires that we actively and honestly \u201ccheck in\u201d with the ill person to ensure that their wants, needs and goals are paramount. In the search for solutions, it\u2019s easy to miss the forest for the trees.  It requires flexibility and openness \u2014 a true partnership with the ill. It requires an honesty about oneself : \u201cthis is what I am observing\u201d, \u201cthis is what I am thinking\u201d, \u201cthis is what I want\u201d and honest encounters in which we listen to what is on the mind and in the heart of the other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Finally, it requires an ability to accept that our choices and hopes for an ill relative may not be theirs. It doesn\u2019t mean that he\/she is \u201cnon-compliant\u201d or \u201cunrealistic\u201d. It may simply mean their way and perhaps their timetable is different.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Healing takes on many forms and doesn\u2019t always result in a cure or recovery from illness. Life can\u2019t always promise a cure. But healing is always possible when care is given without condition but simply with a willingness to \u201cwatch over.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The educator Parker Palmer, in his book, Listening to Your Life Speak, offers a tale of his healing from depression. He relays his experience with his many friends and family and the health care providers who gave him much advice, guidance, therapy and medication. The message he received, \u201cwe care about you, now get well.\u201d […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[104,102,103,101],"class_list":{"0":"post-16","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-advocacy","7":"tag-fear-of-being-abandoned","8":"tag-healthcare-advocacy","9":"tag-listening-to-your-life-speak","10":"tag-parker-palmer","11":"entry"},"yoast_head":"\nSomeone To Watch Over Me - ElderCare Solutions<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Offering honest reassurance, whether spoken or not, that \u201cyou will not be abandoned\u201d helps mitigate that fear and can provide the energy and motivation that aids recovery.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.eldercaresolutions.com\/blog\/2010\/hello-world-2\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Someone To Watch Over Me - 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