After working with elderly clients and families for several years I have found that end-of-life planning is one of the most challenging topics of conversation. Facing one’s own mortality is daunting. Not knowing how someone has been affected by death and loss in their life makes discussing their end even more complicated. However, having the conversations and putting plans in place while healthy gives one control over their end and reduces the burden on the grieving loved ones.
Talking about death and funeral planning is best when done early, calmly, and incrementally. The topic can be introduced after watching a movie where a funeral was central, or even after attending or hearing about the funeral of a friend or acquaintance. It may help to share your own wishes for end-of-life plans by saying “I think I’d like to be cremated/buried when I die. What do you think you would want?” Another way to introduce the topic is to stress that you want to honor your loved one’s wishes but need to know what they want in order to do so.
Once your loved one has identified how they want their body treated after death, itis important to talk about how they want to be remembered. Asking about family traditions, other funerals or memorials, or even how they picture remembering them can help. f you’re not comfortable talking about this yourself, our team can help guide the conversation and make it easier.
My own family was reserved when talking about important topics but surprisingly open about how they wanted to be memorialized. An uncle requested a cocktail party with no religious service or prayers, and a burial on the family cemetery plot. My father wanted a lunch at his favorite local restaurant and no burial. And my mother wanted a memorial service with her grandchildren providing music and for her ashes to be “scattered to the wind.” Although planning was involved in all three scenarios, knowing their wishes was the first step.
My father always said, “death is part of life.” Viewing end- of-life as a natural transition and talking about it openly can take some of the sting out of something that has long been a taboo topic.
Just my two cents,
Penny
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